Youth Leadership Camps Canada

Stu-Pendous Blog - Learning and Growing

These are the thoughts of speaker, author and camp director Stu Saunders.
For Stu’s original blog, you may still access his archives here.

• Moments that matter

  Jan 10, 2010

  Being a single father you realize how lucky you had it before the separation. I don’t mean the relationship I had with my partner but the access every day to my children. When you’re married you find lots to do that doesn’t involve spending time with the kids. You are busy, you have work to do, there is something “else” to do.

  “I’ll be there in a minute…” is a far to common phrase that resonates through too many households.

  I am granted access to my children for a total of 66 hours once every two weeks. When you take out sleeping, 26 hours and the drive 12 hours, I have the opportunity to spend 26 hours with my kids. That’s less then 3 days per month of “face time”.

  Somewhere over history our court system has deemed this an adequate amount of time to build and maintain a quality father, child relationship. Well I am here to say that it really isn’t. It’s actually completely the opposite. Since there is not much chance of this changing and parents being considered equal, fathers that do care need to create “MTM’s”, moments that matter.

  Running a camp I get to work with so many young staff that come from single parent homes. I’ve asked many of them about how they remember growing up with having to live with two parents. So many have said the times they spent with their father were so amazing, or they remember those time with such clarity.

  Why is that? It’s because a good single father needs to work to create so much in a very short time. It’s our job to create MTM’s every moment. If we don’t we risk being lost. It’s not a competition, it’s a responsibility.

  So, last night my son and I got to enjoy a BIG MTM. I purchased two tickets at a charity auction for a Toronto Maple Leafs game and we watched them lose, it was a horrible game. The Leafs were abysmal. Here’s the thing though, our night was amazing and we created a true MTM.

  The moment of clarity for me was when Matthew turned to me and said, “Dad, this is the best night of my life.”

  Please understand that this is not meant to say that all fathers deserve equal access, there are many that do not. Each father is different and there needs to be less of a quick, one sided judgement.  Until our courts realize that parents are of equal value and that a good father has an equal role in the upbringing of a healthy child, I will continue to find and create MTM’s for my children. I also encourage all parents not to take the time you have with your kids for granted. These days happen only once.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership Family Life Learning and Growing on Jan 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (4)

• because of you

  Dec 2, 2009

  I am not a “writer”. I have never published a novel. Poetry is not my thing. I am not that eloquent. I love to “spell check”.

  I am not the owner of multiple degrees. My awards shelf is small and the accolades are yet to arrive.

  I write though. I write to express my thoughts. I write to share ideas. I write for me and I guess in the end I am writing for you.

  There’s something about have someone else read my thoughts. It is even better out loud. It’s like a second chance at thinking it through.

  Sometimes when I hear my BLOG read, I hear the words I wanted to say but somehow didn’t.

  Imagine if you had someone else in your head to read your words back to you before you spoke them. Before you hurt someone with careless comments. Before you said “hate”. Maybe you wouldn’t be so quick to say no or even yes.

  Maybe if I could of had you read me my thoughts when I was making all those poor choices… maybe I would have done things differently or not at all. Perhaps I wouldn’t have said some of the things I said or acted the way I did.

  Perhaps though, I would not have lived this life at all. There is something about hearing my thoughts with such eloquence and clarity that makes me sound smarter.

  Here’s the reality though. Most of us don’t have our thoughts read back to us. We have to trust ourselves. Sometimes that person is a scary person to trust. Maybe, just maybe we’re not supposed to have that angel on our shoulder. In the end the universe might just want us to learn from our own mistakes and have no filter at all. Really isn’t that what life is all about?

  I think we actually get this opportunity given to us everyday. It may be the role of a mom or dad, teacher, sister, brother, uncle, coach, doctor, friend, partner, the speaker in the assembly or stranger you meet only once. What if they are telling us that we need to rethink our choices, decisions or path. We choose not to listen though because we don’t need to be “told”. We already know.

  I think we are supposed to listen but we don’t. It takes forever for us to learn. Hey, maybe it’s this blog?

  In the end I still like it when you read my BLOGS back to me.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership Family Life Learning and Growing on Dec 2, 2009 at 10:38 am | Permanent Link | Comments (1)

• Moments of Clarity

  Oct 23, 2009

  Have you had them? Do you ever find yourself say… “Yes! That’s it.”?

  When you do, you need to jump on those moments. You need to embrace those moments. I am searching for one right now. The winter is coming, blah, it’s a time that I always start to question my future. What do I want to do with the next 20 years. I am approaching my 20th anniversary of what I do. Working in and with schools. 20 years, 2 decades that is a long time. I am truly blessed to have a good team and a wonderful support system. We have amazing clients and even more amazing staff. This year we worked with thousands and thousands of young leaders. It’s amazing what we do. I wonder if it’s what I want to do for the next 20 years.

  This is not bad, it is a healthy question. One you need to ask frequently. Am I happy? Nothing is perfect. There are always ways to make it better. You can grow exactly where you are planted. Change can come not from always moving, complaining or quitting but from attitude and approach.

  I like that.

  I think I just a had one of those moments.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Goal Setting Leadership Learning and Growing Motivation on Oct 23, 2009 at 7:39 am | Permanent Link | Comments (1)

• Turn the key

  Jul 6, 2009

  One of my favourite phrases that I heard from my dear friend Robin Sharma was the idea of “the power of start”.

  Simple concept but yet so true. In order for any change to happen in our lives we must simply start the process. We can hum and haw all we want. We can research and debate the pros and cons of any change, but the excitement doesn’t happen until we actually start the process. Don’t be afraid to start small. We call them 1% action steps, small, sometimes tiny little movements towards the goal. It may not seem like much but it’s the act of the start that gives us the momentum to push, to grow and to complete whatever it is that we are trying to accomplish.

  So start today, make the change, start your engine!

  PS - YLCC 2009 started today, it’s so exciting to watch the 100 new campers arrive with such energy and enthusiasm. They are about to start their journey of leadership!

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Goal Setting Leadership Learning and Growing on Jul 6, 2009 at 7:52 am | Permanent Link | Comments (3)

• Hallmark happiness

  Jun 21, 2009

  Here I sit on my deck on a beautiful sunny Sunday, I reflect on my good fortune. I have three children. All amazing and unique in their own ways.

  I am a single father and don’t get to see my kids nearly as much as I would like or probably should.

  Today is also Father’s day. The holiday was started in 1910 and became an official holiday in 1972 after president Nixon signed a congressional resolution. It’s mostly celebrated in North America. The day really became big when the Hallmark greeting card company realized there was plenty of money to be made. More money is made on Mother’s day then Father’s day but there were no shortage of people lined up yesterday buying a card at the last minute.

  Please don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the idea of a day dedicated to recognizing the role of a father in a child’s life. Their role has been downplayed for most of history, their rights have been pushed aside in most custody cases. I am all for a one day “special” high five, a nice hand made card and a cup of tea made for me. I think though that we NEED to celebrate our loved ones; family, friends and colleagues every single day. It’s not in a card on a specific day that has great impact, it’s the phone call when you least expect it or the hand written note that arrives in October for no reason. Those are the moments that I would cherish much, much more.

  So today celebrate your dad, grandfather or friend who works hard to raise his children. The real challenge and gift is to do it again some other day, not on a calendar but in your heart.

  Please follow me on Twitter. I will be sending out a FREE Twitter Cast called “Breaking from the heard” on Friday for all those that are following me in Twitter.

  https://twitter.com/ylccstu

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Family Life Learning and Growing Motivation on Jun 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (2)

• seventy three

  Apr 6, 2009

  Here’s the amazing thing. My father is 73 years old. He and my mom who is 70, have been living in the jungle for 5 weeks in Costa Rica. Their days are full of adventure. Hiking through the mountains, riding rafts down the river, waking at 5 am to swim under a waterfall.

  I just got a bunch of pictures from them. The one I have included is of my father repelling down a cliff into a warm pool at the base of a waterfall.

  He’s 73 years old. Stop putting off the life you were destined to live people. Do something amazing today. His actions have inspired me for sure.

  

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Family Life Learning and Growing Motivation on Apr 6, 2009 at 2:01 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (5)

• Rejuvenate

  Apr 2, 2009

  I am sitting at my dining room table. Steaming cup of coffee in my hand. My windows are open. The song of a thousand birds echo from the trees. I close my eyes and feel their excitement to be awake. They are soaking up the brilliant morning sun. I look out to the grassy hill in my front yard. The long grass has been pressed down by the snow. It looks like a heard of wild animals had perhaps stampeded through.

  Amongst the open yard there are two radically different worlds. A small patch of snow is holding on. Defying the warmth of the sun. Refusing to melt away into the soon forgotten season. Inches away, a small patch of neon green bursts through the trampled grass. Reaching for the sun. Its tiny leaves stretched outwards like a father waiting for his child to fall into his arms.

  I see myself as both the snow patch and the green new growth. Holding onto my past, trying not to let go of the coldness of what I know needs to be cut free. I live though for new growth… reaching for brighter, warmer days. To grow and learn and be stronger, more alive.

  What are you doing today to grow? Let what you know needs to… go.

  Spring.

  Rejuvenate.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership Learning and Growing Motivation on Apr 2, 2009 at 12:04 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (7)

• Short… sweet

  Mar 25, 2009

  I am sitting at my favourite Starbucks enjoying a latte. I know all the staff, I am a regular. The manager is sitting at the table beside me. She has just promoted a young barista to a shift supervisor. I am happy to see her so excited. I open my Macbook and look at my dozen new emails.

  “I don’t know it you heard?” says the manager as she leans over to me.

  “No, what’s the news?” I reply.

  “Sandy the other Starbucks Manager, her husband passed away on Sunday.”

  “How?!”

  “Sudden, don’t know all the details. Went into hospital on Wednesday and was gone on Sunday.”

  “How old?” I asked.

  “39”

  “I’m 39.”

  We were all silent for a few minutes.

  Life is short, we need to make it sweet. Be great, be awesome. Stop complaining about silly things that are truly silly. Hug your children, love your spouse, smile at a stranger, lead without title.

  Now.

  You know this stuff. I talk about it all the time. This is not new.

  “The sad part about it is we all go back to our lives and not think about it in a few days.” the manager adds as I empty my inbox.

  True.

  Need to stop that, need to stop.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Goal Setting Leadership Family Life Learning and Growing Motivation on Mar 25, 2009 at 5:26 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (6)

• Celebrate?

  Mar 17, 2009

  Just a quick BLOG today. It’s St. Patrick’s Day and I hope everyone enjoys this the most green of days. I challenge you though to do it wisely… you don’t need to get drunk to celebrate.

  Please be safe, approximately 207 people die or are seriously injured each day in Canada from drinking and driving. Please know that the only people that truly benefit from you drinking to excess is the companies that make the drinks we buy.

  More money is spent every year promoting the use of alcohol than on any other product on the market.  The alcohol industry generates more than $65 billion annually and spends more than $1 billion on advertising.

  Please remember A.C.E. today and every day… Awareness - Choices - End Results.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership Family Life Learning and Growing on Mar 17, 2009 at 9:53 am | Permanent Link | Comments (1)

• Focus - Commit - Follow through

  Mar 9, 2009

  My dearest friend returned fro a three week life changing program at the Hipprocates Institute in Florida. She is a breast cancer survivor and went there to detox and I mean DETOX! I won’t get into the details of it, but it was serious!

  When we got together for a tea yesterday I asked what she would tell someone about what she learned if she could only tell them one thing. She said…

  “Focus, commit and follow through.”

  If you do that with anything in your life you can change dramatically. Think about those three simple but powerful steps today. I am.
  

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Goal Setting Leadership Learning and Growing on Mar 9, 2009 at 4:57 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (3)

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