Youth Leadership Camps Canada

Stu-Pendous Blog - Archives for February 2012

These are the thoughts of speaker, author and camp director Stu Saunders.
For Stu’s original blog, you may still access his archives here.

• Life in line

  Feb 12, 2012

  The mechanical sound of a pump startles me from a blank stare. I turn around quickly to see an elderly man with a breathing tube inserted up his nostrils. He carries his oxygen tank in tow, his weathered wife pushes him along. Behind them is a pair of very loud, somewhat rude teens speaking some very animated spanish. They seem to be passionate about something. They spatter their conversation with a few distinct english swear words.

  I regain my focus on… On, something. I have no real challenging thoughts this early Sunday morning. I look up to stark contrast. To my right is a young couple in love, giggling, touching and in a playful mood. They make me smile. Remind of the excitement of new love. Always so hopeful and innocent.

  “STOP IT!” breaks my somewhat inappropriate stare.

  “Sit down! Now!” Screams a young mom at her 3 or 4 year old little girl. Perfectly done pigtails, a cute plaid dress and the still reddish tinged cheeks from either the cold wind or perhaps a recently finished crying fit.

  Many of us in line focus our attention on this obviously stressed mother. I think to myself how hard it must be for a mom to travel alone with a child. To have to balance everything. The tickets, the carry on bags, the stroller and the continuously dropped ratty old teddy bear. Did I mention that she had a new born baby strapped to her in one of those organic baby slings.

  “Will you please help, for god sakes!” She finally says in frustration.

  She’s not alone, the father of the little girls I assume. Maybe the husband, maybe the boyfriend. He turns away from his unabashed stare of the very attractive young girl just ahead of him.

  “What?” he says with a roll of his eyes and a clear level of disinterest in his voice. Reluctantly he tells the older child to sit down in her stroller, playing his father roll that is “expected” of him.

  My eyes wander back to the young couple, still very much in love. How long ago was that married couple with children like that? In love, excited about their future?

  I am nudged from behind. Shaken from my work of fiction that I am creating in my head.

  “Buddy, can you move up?” suggests a guy in business suit, obviously numb to the world around him. Horse blinders on, blackberry in his hand, nothing maters to him except, well, him.

  While in my few moments of deep observation I had stopped paying attention to the people ahead of me. The line had moved up, maybe 10 feet. Better be more aware of the number of grey spotted tiles between me and shoes in front of me.

  A hacking cough again steals my focus. An elderly woman coughs into her wrinkled hands. She looks tired, worn and not at all excited about the prospect of going through the lengthy line.

  “Why do I have to take off my shoes? They take forever to put back on. You know they’re orthopaedic” She says with a real sense of disapproval.

  “When I was young flying was magical. You knew you were bound for adventure. You were treated like royalty. Not today, not anymore.”

  There’s a pause. Then I realize she is speaking to me. I look down at her. Her face quickly tells a tale of a long and full life. Full of carved lines created by laughter and sunken eyes perhaps attributed to sadness or loss. I am sure she could fill up a week of my time with stories, lessons and wisdom.

  “Yes, yes you’re right.” I reply. “It’s much more of an inconvenience today. Although, I guess this is the world we live in now. Can’t do much about it.”

  She grunts back at me. An agreeable grunt, but a grunt none-the-less. We stand quietly, shuffling along. I am mindful of my ‘buddy’ behind me. Don’t want to slow him down.

  We stand side-by-side now, like I am traveling with her. I look around me. Heads down. Almost all of them. The whole line. Fully connected to the mini-computers in their hand. Updating their profile status, tweeting their departure times, reading the “news feed”, texting a friend who is still asleep. It seems they are all unaware of the life going on all around them in this line. Like part of the herd, I glance at my iPhone, blank. no messages. No one wishing me well on my flight. Still to early to text anyone.

  I place my phone back in my pocket. I look down at my line-mate.

  “Dorothy.” She puts her hand on my arm and gives it a little squeeze. “My name is Dorothy. My friends call me Dot. Where are you off to?”

  Life happens all around us. Usually we think our life is the most important. I guess it should be in many respects. We get caught up in our problems, our celebrations. We rarely seem to see the other stuff. We don’t pay attention to the people who are beside us. Look up from the iPhone, blink and break our stares. Participate in the world.

  “Prince Edward Island. PEI.”

  “What are you doing there? Going home? Work? Vacation?” she pushes the conversation further.

  “I’m going for work. Just a few days.” I reply.

  “What do you do dear?”

  “It’s a bit of long story” I quickly say with a smile.

  “Well it looks as if we have some time.” We both look down the long snake like line leading to security. She winks and grins a warm grin.

  “Well Dorothy…” she stops me quickly. “My friends call me Dot I told you.”

  “Right! Well Dot I am a speaker and a bit of an author…”

  Life is beautiful.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership on Feb 12, 2012 at 9:04 am | Permanent Link | Comments (6)

• The truth

  Feb 8, 2012

  Early morning, coffee in my hand. Sun breaking the horizon. My trusty dog sitting at my feet, counting the hours until he gets to eat the same meal he had for dinner and breakfast the day before. The house is silent, Really silent. No cars on the street, the birds are sleeping deeply in their nests on a frosty morning. My slippers are on, my robe is tied tightly around my waist. This is the holy hour, before the world stirs. Before the cattle begrudgingly awaken and complain about their upcoming day, lack of sleep, unhappy marriage, sketchy co-workers or their disengaged children.

  I take a sip from my coffee. I stare at the screen in front of me, the blink of the curser waiting for me to type something. To share my thoughts. To write. I wonder to myself quietly “Do I have the right to share my thoughts?” Have I learned enough to share what I think. I type two words…

  I remember

  The damn curser flashes. It’s wanting more. It’s not satisfied with the effort. What do I remember. What is it I am trying to say?

  I sat in the car alone. There were no other travellers around me. The officer escorted me from the car into a small room told me to sit in the corner.

  “We are going to search your vehicle.”

  It’s a rental, there’s nothing in it. What’s happening. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I just wanted to help. I should of just told the truth. I wanted…
  

  That’s not it. That’s not where I want to take this. I take a sip of coffee and hold the delete key down.

  I remember

  I am back to the same point again.

  I was 8 or maybe 9. It was a typical unexciting family dinner. Rouladen, a german dish of wrapped beef filled with pickles, onions and mustard. Not a 9 years old’s favourite. There wasn’t a discussion about other menu options. You ate what was in front of you. I pushed the meat around my plate like an uninterested city worker shovelling sand into an already full pot hole. Somewhere between the chewing and struggled swallows food flew past my eyes. Then my brother made some sort of stupid comment. I was grabbed by the back of my shirt and tossed to the corner of the kitchen.

  “Hit him! If you want to show your a big man, hit him!” My father screamed at my brother.

  Is that honestly what my dad wanted my brother to do?

  My mom jumped up and covered me like the invisibility cloak in Harry Potter. Hoping to God that I could really disappear. Go away. Never be seen again.

  The disbelief in my nine year old mind was overflowing. This is what dinner was in my household. This was a tuesday or a wednesday. This is why…

  I can’t begin this way. I need to start when it all became clear, when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time I just highlight it all and hit delete. It’s quicker.

  I remember

  The ripple that I felt for weeks. The pain that ripped through my heart. My wife had left a year earlier, the following year I discovered that my good friend had been having an affair with her. I had found out that this had taken place through his wife, not mine. There was other revelations as well. Some that would change lots of peoples lives. Forever.

  I spent a week in disbelief. I couldn’t figure it out. I wasn’t trying to answer any specific questions. Just the ones that hurt.

  As I walked through the door, the smell of freshly ground coffee in the Starbucks filled me with a sense of familiarity that warmed me. The smile from that Barista that I had seen so many times before reflected on my face. I ordered my Chai and proceeded to wander the book store attached to the coffee shop. Maybe a good “self help” book would be able to answer my questions and give me some perspective, some peace. I found it. There in the discount bin it was. A small grey paperweight. One quote.

  “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything”

  A simple quote from Mark Twain written in 1894. Almost 120 years ago. I picked it up. 75% off. So it was about $2.50. I held it in my hand. It was like a lightning rod of reality. My life had been made up of lies. Made up of moments that weren’t real. Had we as a society discounted honesty so much that we took seventy five percent off it’s value? Had I?

  I’m not sure if this is the starting point either.

  I open a new page. I type two words on the page.

  “The Truth”

  It’s what the book is about. It’s about the lies that should have been truths, the stories that were just that stories. It’s the struggle we all face. The lies we tell others to protect them or to avoid them. It’s the dishonesty that we show to our co-workers or to our family. It’s the lie you tell yourself when you can’t face the truth. It’s a story. One of fact and one of fiction.

  My father was a compulsive liar. Dishonest and un-trust worthy. He told me stories of adventure that never happened. He was like Albert Finney in the movie Big Fish. How many stories were true and how many were lies. Have we discounted the value of honesty to the point it’s 75% off? Do some of us feel a need to share our story on facebook to make others feel less or jealous? Do some people no longer care enough to worry about the ripple that comes from a lie or what they say?

  I’m not sure. I’m not sure why I am writing this book. I think it’s therapy.

  If I learned anything at 21 it was how silly I was at 11 and how mature I had become. If I learned anything at 31 it was that I was so very naive at 21 and really learned what I now wanted in life. If I learned anything at 41 it’s that I didn’t realize how much I had yet to learn at 31 and how I missed the wisdom of the 11 year old. If I am learning anything today it’s that I honestly have so much more growth to embrace.

  That’s the truth.

  I remember

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership on Feb 8, 2012 at 9:29 am | Permanent Link | Comments (5)

• The Duke of Aylmer

  Feb 3, 2012

  I have to be honest with you. Like right up front. I never wanted another dog. I had two others. Bailey and Dakota. They didn’t work out at all. They were aggressive and I wasn’t a good owner.

  So when it was suggested to me that I bring a new dog in my life, I was reluctant. Not openly, more to myself. In fact I just bit my tongue and went and saw the little of cute little Lab pups. Once there you can’t help but say, “Ahhhhhhhhhh”. They are cute, tiny, like little plush toys that interact with you. We picked one out, named it Duke, I wanted Tiberious, and began the adventure of owning another dog.

  There wasn’t a lot of time before the we became me and I was now the sole caretaker of the dog. At first I resented Duke. He tied you down, costed me hundreds and hundreds of dollars. In fact in the last two years including buying him I have spent close to 5000 dollars. Owning a dog seems cute and fun to most but it’s a huge commitment to the actual caretaker. It’s like a job or a relationship. Quite often they seem like an amazing idea or like they will be whimsical at the beginning, then when the reality of life slips in, there a lot of work. You can end a relationship, quit a job or a team. But I was stuck with Duke.

  As Duke and I grew older together we grew closer. We had our share of fights. He ate slippers, sandals and stuffed animals. He didn’t come when he was called… most times. He licked everyone to the point of discomfort earning him the nickname “Sir Licks-A-Lot” by my son.

  This fall I was at camp alone. First time in 8 years. Just me mostly. I started to walk everyday and I took Duke with me. We would do 5k or 8k every day. It was great because I lost over 20 pounds. It gave me a chance to be alone with my thoughts. If there is one thing I miss about living at camp it is the beauty of walking along the lake and the quiet of the Moon Point Beach Dr. I talked to the Universe every day and would often look down at Duke as cars past by. It looked like I was talking to him rather than to myself. I think he listened to me though. As we walked along he would look up at me with those big eyes and if I stopped he had an expression of “Go, on….”

  We became close. He was my friend. My confidant. My partner. When I moved to Aylmer (in the GLA) I made sure that my new home had a BIG back yard. I wanted Duke to be able to just go out. He loves it. He is happy.

  This past week, I had a very long, sad and sometimes angry time. I was down and Duke knew it. He would come to me and rest his head on my knee and sigh. I would pet him and he would lick my hand, just once. Like a way of hugging me or kissing me on the forehead to say, “It’s going to be ok.”

  He won’t leave my side now. We talk at length and he knows more about me then most people. Last night I was sitting in my living room with a new friend and he kept putting his paws on me. Resting it like he was wanting to hold me. This usually means he wants to go out or have dinner. I got up and walked to the back door and he stopped.  He didn’t want to go out. He looked at me and started to walk back to the living room. We sat back down and he placed his paw again on my knee then his head and let out a deep sigh. He just wanted to say he loved me. That we are a team. He wasn’t going to leave me.

  We went out for a long walk to clear my head and get us both some exercise. As we walked down the main street of town a nice older couple stopped me and said, “He’s beautiful! What’s his name?”

  I said smiled and said “This is Duke.” They pet him, he of course gave them a lick.

  I am finally settling into this little town. I am finally excepting my new adventure and my solitude. As I walked away from that couple I looked down at him and said “Yes you are beautiful dog, you are a Duke, the Duke of Aylmer.”

  I had been looking for something or someone to cheer me up or come in or come back into my life. The whole time I forgot that I had the best friend I could ask for.

  Thanks Universe for reminding me and thank you for Duke.

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Family Life Learning and Growing on Feb 3, 2012 at 6:07 am | Permanent Link | Comments (6)

• The GOAL is

  Jan 31, 2012

  I love setting goals, I don’t always complete them. Sometimes I completely fail. Sometimes I simply write them down and forget about them. The shocking thing is that MOST people do nothing at all, in fact in a Harvard study of their graduates, only three percent of the graduates had written goals and plans; 13 percent had goals, but they were not in writing; and a whopping 84 percent had no specific goals at all. This is Harvard, not some community college like I went to. This is supposed to be the best and the brightest.

  I really love that goals, if you choose, can motivate you to do more than you ever expected. I am currently writing a new book called, “I’m Not With the Herd”, it’s a book about the 2% (or less) of the planet that out-perform the rest of the 98%. It’s not because they are blessed with any super human powers or strength. Yes there are those of us that may be a bit quicker with numbers or more agile with a basketball or hockey stick in their hands. Please know they aren’t better as a person then you or I.

  Here’s an amazing thought to chew on; there are no extra people on the planet! Everyone is supposed to be here. Why? I don’t know. I know that you are though and so am I. So, why not set goals to do BE, DO and HAVE the life you want. You can create an amazing life. Why do you have to do the same thing every day for 365 and call it a year and then do that for 60 or 70 years and call it a life.

  I had a great friend visit last night and I hadn’t seen her in about 3 years. We shared a drink and got on the topic of why marriages don’t work. How most of our friends are either divorced, separated or hating their long term relationships. I think it’s because when you get married you fall into the trap of doing the same thing year after year. You don’t want to do it. You never plan on it happening. There aren’t many people that get married saying, “this will suck in a few years” or start a job and say, “I will hate this in 6 months”. It happens because once you “settle”, most of us stop. We forget the joy we had when it started. When you start most things they are always awesome. The goals are set every day. Sometimes without even trying! It’s exciting to do all the firsts. Same as a job or when you volunteer for a club or cause. It’s the thrill of the pursuit, the build up to the program or the creation of the cause.

  I had a chat with someone over the holiday’s and they proclaimed that the organization they volunteered for didn’t appreciate them enough, didn’t recognize them enough or properly. Who cares, that’s not what it’s about. It’s about doing something for bigger reason than ourselves. It should be the goal we set when we joined. We should set our goals in life, relationships, jobs and community service every day. Once you stop you join the herd.

  I am writing new lists tomorrow for February. I am also righting a few OUTRAGEOUS goals for myself to. Things I want to accomplish before I am 50. They are awesome. They are grand and that’s the best part. I realized I have already accomplished a ton but I want to do so much more. I have had the opportunity to bring other along with me and my goal 20 years ago has changed so many lives. The ripple effect of a little goal setting about 20 years ago this month created many new lives now.

  The goal, I think, is to be more by challenging yourself to do, be and have more. Write a list of goals today. Set three to accomplish in the next 30 days. It may not only change your world but many more for years to come. Some people you haven’t even met yet!

  
  

  Posted by Stu Saunders in Goal Setting Learning and Growing Motivation on Jan 31, 2012 at 11:04 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (5)

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