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Stu-Pendous Blog - Archives for March 2010

These are the thoughts of speaker, author and camp director Stu Saunders.
For Stu’s original blog, you may still access his archives here.

  • A full life

    Mar 14, 2010

    This may seem arrogant. You may call me pompous or full of myself. I’m not though. I swear. I am sitting on the most comfortable couch, with the most relaxing music playing while absorbing the smell of the burning cedar and sound of the crackling fire. I am incredibly rich and successful, but not in dollars and cents.

    The fall of ninth grade I was confronted by 5 members of the football team. They told me they wanted to show me something. I was then tackled, forced into a small, cannonball like position and bound using masking and duct tape and made into a human tape ball. They then rolled me into a storage closet and I was left there until the custodians found me many hours later. I hated myself, I wanted to run away, to die. How could I be such a loser that it would become the goal of 5 senior high school students to humiliate me to the point of tears.

    As I lied in the closet, hearing the laughing of students and the bells ringing for class changes, I was helpless. I was truly alone. I was was unable to do anything to change my situation. At that moment I felt as if I would never amount to anything in my life. I was not much more then heap of useless crap. I am nothing.

    I awake some mornings and walk from my front door, wander through the woods and make my way to the beach. The sun rises over the water. I climb into a kayak and paddle my way through the placid water to make my way to the middle of the lake. I see the warm sun rays cut through the morning mist wafting up from the water. The morning air fills my lungs. I close my eyes and smile to myself. This is mine. My life is blessed. I am more, I have more, I do more then most.

    I stood at the back of the gymnasium door, nervous. I was in grade 11. In a few moments I would be called upon to stand in front of 1400 of my fellow school mates. This moment was a double edged sword. Half of me, so passionate about what I believed in, half of me fully aware I would be laughed at, heckled, pointed at and ridiculed. The call comes, I walked out to centre of the floor. Their laughter was clear, piercing. The chants of fag, loser and geek shoot directly to the core of my soul. At that moment, I feel as if my life will never be much, I will never date the popular girl, never have the group of friends that laugh together in the coffee shop. I will, for some reason, fail.

    Standing on the stage I finish my speech.I am 39. I feel good. The audience is clapping, cheering and smiling. I acknowledge their acceptance, their emotion, their positive affirmations. As I say thank you, they rise to their feet. A standing ovation. I am a success. I am making a difference. I will be remembered. I get more then I give.

    Today I am not alone. I open my wallet to see the shiny and warm faces of my children. I am their hero. I am loved by them. They are inspired.

    Today I embrace my best friend, the same one I have had for 20 years. He cried a little last night as I read the card he gave me for my birthday. True friendship.

    Today I got an email from a parent that said I changed their daughters life and in turn their families.

    Today I thank the universe for my life.

    Once I felt as if I was never going to be anything.

    Today I feel as if I could do, be or have anything.

    What will tomorrow hold? It will be better then today. Hard to believe, but it will.


    Posted by Stu Saunders in Leadership on Mar 14, 2010 at 9:33 pm | Permanent Link | Comments (12)

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